What America Means to Me by Connor Skraps

     America is a country that means a lot to the people in it. We love the freedoms associated with the constitution and the founding fathers of America. America is the most American country there is. We have the ability in this country to believe in what ever religion we want and we are free to say whatever we want even when the television is on. Most people believe that America was founded in the mid-to-late 1860s but

MOM: CONNOR! It is time for bed! Your dad needs to use the computer!

      secret barbeque recipes
      badass lawn movers
      stretchy jeans
      hello is this google
      google tell me where the toby keith is
      in my haouse
      what the heck connor doesnt know a go dang thing about america

The First Amendment is the ability for us to love god without repercussions but some people take it way too far by saying a bunch of weird crap!!! We were founded on war with other countries and we will continue to be the best and find work for all hardowrking bread winning dads.
we have had fourteen presidents and some have been weird as heck. Robert Taft was fat as my wife and twice the shit head!!! Abraham Lincoln got shot by somebody really pissed off. George washington had wooden teeth and ate trees and was the first one (to be president).
American culture is about barbeque and livin' life to the fullest having fun no matter what anybody ever says to you and yours!!! my dad Paps holds huge neighborhood barbeques every week and when his wife says no and she is having those made up migraines having no sex all the god damn time and yes i may have taken out the garbage yet but i was reall busy watching this suspenseful episode of king of queens where the fat one was getting really grilled by his hot wife and i wanted to see how he could get outta that pickle because it could be the ace in my sleeve when my pushes come to shoves!!!!

     google tell me where i can watch tv online
     google is my wife cheating
     google am i cheating
     google am i drunk

RAT DADS ONLINE

You have connected the chat room: THE_BIG_DAD_ZONE
Username: GROUND_BEEF
GROUND_BEEF: hey dads
the_online_soldier: hello bun
the_online_soldier:*bub i meant to say bub like wolverine not bun
the_online_soldier: *shinkt*
Brett_Gormly_1952: u a dad?
GROUND_BEEF: ya
Brett_Gormly_1952: prove it buster or else
the_online_soldier: say sumthing only a dad would kno
GROUND_BEEF: whenever my wife throws the leftover food from dinner in the garbage later in the night i sneek downstairs and grab some of the scraps before the dog gets into them
toolchest69: LOL YA BROTHER I KEEP SECRET MEET IN MY GARAGE
toolchest69: KEEP THE ANTS AWAY COVER IT IN SOME POISON OR SUMTHING IDK
the_online_soldier: i tell my wife to not give my son ne of the acandy because it is all mine but she  just keeps letting him have it so i got to hide it undermy lawnmover or SOMEThing but i forgot yesterday and now my garage floor is covered in chocolate and taffey and buougs
*OfficerStevenTremble has joined the chatroom*
OfficerStevenTremble: 14/f/your town
OfficerStevenTremble: hehe what is going on here
GROUND_BEEF: whoa hi
Brett_Gormly_1952: 24/m/male hi
toolchest69: 23/hawaii/USA hi
MileHighClubDenverBroncosElway: hi
the_online_soldier: ar you my daughers frien
OfficerStevenTremble: my name is rebecca and i'm bored... ne body want to have fun
HotDogMan: yes
Brett_Gormly_1952: yes
the_online_soldier: yes
GROUND_BEEF: yes
toolchest69: yes
pork_tenderloinz: yes
GarbageManTerry: yes
GROUND_BEEF: where is house
misterpropanesalesman: ya where
OfficerStevenTremble: 1512 Wilson bring condoms and weed and swords
toolchest69: HAHA GONA GRAB MY SONS STUFF U DINGUS HEADS
GROUND_BEEF: brb
pork_tenderloinz: brb
misterpropanesalesman: brb
the_online_soldier: my wife is a bitcha nd i atte it all

ALL DADS WERE AWAY

here at rat dads were we gone for three years and WOW WOW WOW have al ot of things happened on the dad front. ME EXPLAIN

meat: still good, preferred to veg
oedipus complex: still the biggest issue to dads nightmare situation
shoot: first ask questions later
ladders: get toys down from the roof
wives: yelling at me starting up grill in mid night don't like the fridge nonsense
sons: straight
daughters: asexual

i am going to bring you the laterst in dad news whenever i get bored or drunk OR YELLED AT wife made me stop website cause i 'couldn't be trusted with internet' because i got in some BAD STUff and can't find the same chatrooms anyway so its not like it matter or that it was even a big deal to begin with with the pink fonts and the charming words and the people make me FELL WORTh A DAMN for once in my life NOTHING SEXY ABOUT IT i have to go put in an above ground pool make sure rust doesn't hit bottom fill w/ hose water and detergent for mucj

listen here peckerwoods

Fuck!!!! my name is ton gorton and i am president of the local dads association. (ass. prevents certain dad issues from getting out of hand, i.e. unruly kids, poorly managed lawns, and when stop lights make you make bad time on vacations. also beer).

i am writing this because of one man: Kevin Borlony. More like Baloney. BOLOGNA.

His lawn looks like a big green fucking merkin and his wife is fat as fuck. she stinks up the grocery market when i see her cart it is only filled with fucking frozen pizza like you ain't got time to cook you FFFfffffffffffff

heart medicine help urgfghh

HERE IS HIS PICTURE HE IS YELLING AT THE COPS TO BRING HIS WIFE MORE MEAT

he is trying to mutiny. he is running againt me, Ton (short for tonny). i am him. HE IS BULLSHIT. no lawn regulation and he hasn't led a vacation four his family in YEARS. HE DOESNT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO HOLD NEIGHBORHOOD BARBEQUES I HOLD THEM TWICE A WEEK kids all playing in a inflaytable pool throwing pigskin around dads hold beer in hands and look at their little miracles nd smile and know exactly how sweet life can be the dad life!!!!!!!

thje newspaper wouldn't publish my letter in the newspaper section "opinion" even tho every thing i say is a fact????? it is true what they say about jouranlists nowadays every one has an angle PS: follow wear the money goes.

have to get back home rtermites in most parts of house won't call orkin man B/C i am in HUGE BARBEQUE DEBT

bye bye

Rat Dad of the Month "Milo J. G. Sandwich"

MAN OF THE HOUR (MONTH) ((ALL HOURS THIS MONTH)) (((APRIL)))




















Ratty Daddy Stattys

Age: FORGOT
Sex: I'm a dude, shit head!
Interests: Money, farts, genocide, i like to siphon gas from my neighbor Ront, and i have been practicing for years on how to run up walls like in asians movies. I ALMOST got it is what my kids say.
Activities: I am the vice president of the herculaneum truck club. we go to hardees parking lot an d eat the hardees bigburgers and rev our engines at teenage girls. i made a couple money from selling this bumper sticker outta my garage






Education: no thanks
Favorite Food: I have NEVER gone to a dentist and I DON'T PLAN ON IT!!!!
Favorite Color: rust
Wife: she don't know i go to strip clubs because she can barely put her bra on every morning she is so dumb
Children: my son tarry got pubes when he was only 10 and to celebrate i took him to chuck e cheese. my son garfield is fifteen and dont got pubes yet. i am so mad at him
Most Embarassing Moment: to get used to life after Y2K i only wore diapers for the month leading up to it because i thought i would have to get used to fighting and never stopping not even for churnin butt butter
Best Rat Dad Moment: my wife cam out of the shower with her hair wrapped in a towel and i thought she was a terrorist so i threw her out the window

"FOREIGNERS" by Dale Buggaloo

Another short story by guest writer and Rat Dad, Dale Buggaloo

Dale was spitting chewing tobacco out on his feet because his wife was explaining to him what foreigners were. He was really Mad.

Earlier in the day Dale was hosing his yard when a car full of loud sweaty brown people drove by playing music in which men weere saying words that make no sense. Dale knew it was something called a "different language" an he knew it without going to college because he had to work as soon as he graduated or else his parents would perish and become skeletons right before his eyes. he coped with this by having a lot of Street Smarts and just being smart in general.
"Who are these people?" yelled Dale. He dropped to his knees and spit in the air. It landed on his forehead and he yelled again and when the neighborhood kids laughed at him for spitting on himself he threw a rock at their balls and they cried all the way home but didnt tell their parents because they knew better.

Dale thtought they were alieans. Creatures from outered space, surely doing no good out there. If aliens had nothing to hide then they would live on earth. How Did Scientists Not Know This?
He showed up with a rake and hurt them with the rake he showed up with. He spun around in a three sixteen and hit them all because he went in a circle and they were circled around them. He jumped high when they punched and he landed on their arms and then kicked there faces.

"That kick was.... outta this world!" he yelled but the aliens didn't get the joke.
"That kick was..... from outer space!" he yelled they didn't get it still.
"Like neptune!"
They didn't even crack a smile. So he cracked their faces! Jerks! Fuck!
"Please stop fighting my family," one alien said.
"Don't ask me! Ask.... Uranus!" is the hilarious joke Dale said.

Then he pulled the alien and shoved the aliens head into his own butt.
He laughed like a double fat santa claus as the police tasered him into the ground.
"I DON'T BELIEVE THERE IS A PLACE IN THE WORLD THAT ISN'T AMERICA!"

All the cops clapped and let him go. His wife made him shitty meat loaf (i wanted chicken strips) and explained to him what other countries were and Dale laughed because she doesn't know her own ass from her own ass!

Rat Dads are back in a big way (we all gained 400 pounds)

WE ALL GOT ARRESTED














shut up already. while we were gone dads like this took over. he cannot
1)teach you a thing at all because his brain is full of buttfuckin ideas about the jonas brothers
2)hes holdin that rat like it is a ten inch turd he wanted to show his wife (BITCH!!!!!)
3) i bet he doesn't get embarassed by other people when he reads in public
4) three is the magic number (holy trinity, three stooges, etc) so im gonna stop at three

all us rat dads were arrested when obama became president. faggot. he passed a law saying that all rat dads would be rounded up and evaluated to see if they could fit into normal society. we are issuing a formal statement.

SUCK MY DICKK!!!!!!!!!

who do you get off trying to say what i should do with my damn life this is america you dumb fart smeller i had a hard life working hard jobs so i earned the right to eat doritos and pass out in my car while drivin on the highway and it goes downhill and off the road and on a ramp and i FLEW MY FUCKIN CAR over a FUCKIN FARM. IDIOT

i have to go im so angry that i am about to barf