I HAVE HARNESSED THE POWER OF A CARNIVAL

An expose by guest writer, and Rat Dad, Burger "Ted" Johnstonn

GUESS WHAT??????




















It was me who won the fuckin' eating contest at the carnivol!! Frank bet me 10 dollars I couldn't and I fuckin did!!!! This is where my ad.venture begins

i wake up and my wife is saying todays a carnival, im like okay, its a carnival today, but you dont have to be such a fuckin bitch about it!!! she says she aint being a bitch and that im being a bitch. you know what kind of wives say stuff like that??? BITCH WIVES

so my wife (her name is chandelier) tells me to load up the pickup truck full of my shit eatin kids and take them to the carnival, but HSE KNOWS I WANTED TO GO BY MY SLEF! i hate it when wives think they can do what ever, me and ray romano are two of a kinds, except everyon loves him and when it comes to me people KNOW TO BACK THE FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!

all my kids are in my truck and all of my kids smell like shit. we get there and i tell em to buzz off. i start lookin in th e back of trucks in the parking lot for coolers i can steal beer out of. i found one, cracked it open, popped open a beer an said "today is gonna be a good day" and it was. first things first, first of all, i wandered around drinking beers outta my pockets and playing games with mny hard earned cash. i love it, i ate food 2. guess what i see???? AN EATING CONTEST

it was some kind of vegtable i never seen before (it was green on the outside, with red slush on the inside and a bunch of big fuckin' seeds, probly from france or some shit). guess what?? i ate it all and it tasted like shit so i ate it fast! I got a trofhy too, jellous?
















I GOT SO SLEEPY CAUSE MY BELLY WAS FULL i went to a palm readers after that but she said she couldn't give me a reading because my hands were covered in too much mud. i got my money back because i am a smart consumer.

when i left the tent, i feel asleep. i feel asleep right there on the ground, infront of the tent. my kids tried to wake me up but i wouldnt have it, so they rolled me under the tent because it started to rain. what if i liked the rain? STUPID BUTTFUCKERS

i woke up, the sun is shining, i am wet with dew and the carnival is GONE. i felt unimportant because i was the carnivol champion and now it is gone??? but wait! i stood up, and i felt the power in my legs and arms! I decided then that i had Harnessed the power of the carnivol

I AM AS STRONG AS 200 MEN" I SHOUTED, and the birds that heard me flew away! "GOOD THINKIN BIRDS" I YELLED, because i woulda crushed them if they didnt. i went home to find the rent-a-center guys takin away my big screen. "STOP" i yelled, and there hats flew off ther heads!!! I PUNCHED THEM APART! they got in their truck and called the cops. as i am typing this i am wearing a cops hat because i fought them too when they got to my house. they didnt understand that i had the power of the carnival.

i am as fast as the Swingin' Ship. I am as tenacious as the bumper cars. I am as noble as the ferris wheel. i bend reality as if i am a house of mirrors. i am as mean as a tilt a whirl. i believe there was a profecy that the man who wins the carnival eating contest becomes its champion, like ulysses was at the gates of rome. THE PORLBEM IS, CARNIVALS TRAVEL!!! i am used to the power now, a roller coaster is my bicep. i have decided to hitch up my house and follow the carnival all over, winning every eating contest, to keep this newfound power. they will call me carnivol man...............................

more updates coming from me, Burger "Ted" Johnstonn, that is if my fingers dont become so strong i brake the keyboard..............