Rat Dads, Fag Bags, Bitch Wives, and Santa's Claws

Being Christmas, we try and find Rat Dads who still manage to maintain top form during the holiday season. Here are the lyrics this awesome Rat Dad sung to his fag bag son and bitch wife!!!

Shut The FUCK Up Jolly Old Saint Nicholas

Faggy old Saint Nicholas,
you stupid buttfucker!
Don't you tell a single soul
that i had whiskey and cigars for breakfast:
Christmas Eve is coming soon;
now, you queer piece of shit
Whisper what you'll bring to me;
OR I'LL BEET YOUR FUCKIN' ASS!!!
When the clock is striking twelve,
when I'm havin sex with my bitch wife,
Up the hole in the floor through my double wide,
with your pack you'll try and get in,

but i'll...........BEET YOUR FUCKIN' ASS!!!!
All the stockings you will find
filled with my steaming shit
Mine will be the longest one,
cause i got a huge dick
Bobby wants a pair of skates,

kidz a fuckin fag
Suzy wants birth control,

Bobby better not fuckin knock her up
Nellie wants a picture book,

but books are 4 fuckin idiot fags
yellow, blue, and red,

are the colors of my dick!!!
Now I think I'll leave to you, you fucking old queerbait
what to give the rest of these buttfuckers.
Choose for me, dear Santa Claus;

whiskey, fried snickers, and cigars
and if you don't get this for me,

I'LL BEAT YOUR FUCKIN' ASS!!!

Merry Rat Dad Christmas

It was the night of the Rat Dad, and inside the house, my dad drank whiskey as he got deloused...

YOU WANT PRESENTS???? GET THEM YOURSLEF!!!!!

Merry Christmas 2004!!! Shove it wear the sun don't shine!!!!

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

Ladies and Gentlement: Buster Billiards
























RATTY DADDY STATTYS

Age: "im only 41 but yeah its safe to say ive seen it all"
Sex: "hetarosexual"
Interests: "huntin, fartin' around, playing with my dog Penis (my dog is named penis, i don't have a dogs penis. i dont have a dog's penis i have the penis of a man)
Activities: "teaching sports to kids that need to learn sports (my kids) (my kids need to laern sports). i like to go into the woods and practice survivalism. i make fires and cut stuff up with knives because i pretend i have been in a plane crash and need to live off the land. i will eat rats to survive if i have to. wanna bet????
Education: "i had a job cleaning toilets at a community college and i used to sneak in and try to read what was on the chalkboard. if i didnt understand it i drew boobs"
Favorite Food: "i went a whole week eating only turkey burgers once"
Best Feature: "I can say shut up whenever i want!!!!"
Wife: "BItch!!!!"
Children: "UGH"
Most Embarassing Moment: "when i realized that i married a fat bitch!!!!!"
Best Rat Dad Moment: "i invented a new kind of beer by putting a bunch of cigarrettes in a bucket full of busch heavy"

Rat Dads and Taknology: FUCK YOU TAKNOLOGY!

The only thing Rat Dads hate worse than art and their bitch wives is goddam taknology.

RAT DAD TAKNOLOGY DEFINITIONS:

-Scientists: Fags that didn't make the football team! (which I would have been on if I went to High School)

-Computer: Boner Giver and Watch-Other-Guys-Get-Hit-in-the-Balls Machine

-Cell Phone: My bitch wife's fuckin' walkie talkie or some shit

-Video Game Console: Goddam robot that turns my son even gayer.

-Ipod: Toby Keith Machine

-Wife: Bitch!!!!

-My Kids: Faggot Dissapointments!!!!

HOW TO LOSE A RAT DAD IN 30 DAYS

RAT DADS GOT WHAT THE LADIES WANT, BAR NONE, NO EXCEPTIONS ALLOWED!!!





HE KNOWS IT YOU DONT so shut up already geez

we hear at rat dads want to tell you everything we KNOW. some guys know how to be a rat dad and other guys wont SHUT UP and they think there wives are NICE but all of them are wrong!!!! BEING SKINNY IS NOT SEXY TO A WOMAN THEY DONT CARE HOW YOU LOOK AS LONG AS YOU ARE STRONG!!!! when they have kids after wards THAT AINT YOUR PROBLEM!



















get in shape or don't, whatevwer! drink a whiskey!

















AWESOME DAD!!!!!!!!!!

Rat Dad: hey little baby, the only thing stopping me from throwing you out the window is that if you died i wouldn't technically be a dad anymore!!!
Baby: pussssssssy
Rat Dad: THE STUDENT HAS BECOME THE MASTER (lights cigar for baby, throws baby out window)

I HAD ENOUGH OF THIS BABY

LITTLE FAG KEPT CRYIN WHILE I WAS TRYING TO WATCH BRETT FARVE KICK SOME NEW ENGLAND ASS, SO I DUCK TAPED THE BITCH TO THE WALL WITH HER FAG DUCK TO KEEP HER QUIET!!!! Good riddance.

Tuff Dads!!!

Beatin' up Fag Dads since 1989!

Rat Dad Watch!!

Trevor "Bucky" Trimble

This Rat Dad just took a pee in that water. He ain't got the time to use the bathroom inside places. Especially after his bitch wife made him look after that gay baby all day. Let's hope that stupid baby can swim cause "Bucky" is blackout drunk and too full of mayonnaise sandwiches to swim after it if it floats away.

Everyone Does It, Rat Dads Do it Best

The bathroom is the only place a Rat Dad can get away from his nerd kids and bitch wife. And the only thing he reads on the toilet is the hardcore pornography he leaves laying around for the kids to find. He usually accompanies his retreats with a nice cigarette.

-Rat Dad: "Good luck cleaning this one up you bitch."

Ratatat Rat Dad!!

This Rat Dad already fired up his grill for tonights BBQ! Shut the fuck up already and come join him!

Hello, Rat Dad

The most Ratty Dad. The perfect mixture of science and dad.

Rat Dad Corner: Gus "Macaroni" Boskett

THIS ARTICLE IS WRITTEN FOR RAT DADS, BY A RAT DAD
so why dont you shut up already



















SHES GOT MY BALLS IN A VICEGRIP

the most improtant part of bein a rat dad is that you gotta do what you want and tell your kids to SHUT UP!!!! I CANT DO THAT ON HALLOWEEN OR ELSE MY WIFE KICKS ME OUT OF THE HOUSE.
i got a big porblem with that
i got to dress up like a biG BUTTFUCKIN COWBOY
so im driving to court and i see a car stop really quick in front of me and it made me accidentally swallow all the change i had in my mouth i had three quarters in my mouth and i ate it all. a cop saw it all and so he talked to both of the cars to make sure we were all alright
he came up to me when i was on the side of the road trying to barf because i needed that 75 cents in order buy a big pickle at the gas station and he tapped me on the bck to try and make sure im allright but instead i started barfing and i couldnt stop barfing for like 5 minutes
he called the ambulance and when i saw it coming i got so nervous and ran but a cop is trained to run fast so he caught me
i barfged more and me and the cop rolled around in the barf

I Can't believe how Mad he got!!!!!

so im as mad as a hell when i get home cause iof the whole ordeal. every time i go driving i get in trouble with cops i think they have something against me. i went to high school with the mayor and i called him a buttfuckker once in gym class so that might be something. i dont understand. something is a foot......

i get yelled at
my wife was so mad she wouldnt even give me a hand job. i had to go play with my son dilbert (its my nickname my faggot nerd son) and iwas thinking "SHUT UPPP!!!!!" the whole time but i didnt say it. whenever he tries to smoke cigarrettes he sucks at it. F-!!!!!!! WHAT ARE GRADES IS F A BAD GRADE??? WRITE ME bout it

RAT DAD NOTE OF MY WEEK: THESE SHOES DONT FIT YOU DUMB BABY SO DONT TRY AND WEAR THEM!!! TRY AGAIN LATER YA LIL DICKHEAD!!!






















FUCK YOU DILBERT! I WISH YOU WERENT AROUND ANYMORE! I WOULD HAVE SEX WITH MY WIFE MORE...........

Sink Your Teeth Into These Rat Dads

These two Rat Dads got in a fight over who's son was gayest and then once that was settled they got into a fight about who likes to fight more. The winner: It was a fuckin' tie!!! Both Rat Dads are dead. R.I.P. Rat Dads, your fondness of gas station egg rolls and pornography will not soon be forgotten.

Rat Dad Watch!!

GORDON SALLADD

This Rat Dad found $50 on the ground and instead of paying his water bill he bought Wrestlemania!! He showered for the next month by standing in front of a fan to blow the odor off. Talk about a Big Papa Pump!!!!

Rat Dad Vacations: My Hotel Room, My Rules

Son: Dad, everytime we get in a hotel room you take off all your clothes.

Rat Dad: Deal with it. It feels better. Let's my smelly balls breath.

Son: But you insist on leaving the blinds open.

Rat Dad: I'M THE RAT DAD!! YOU CAN SLEEP IN THE BATHTUB!!

Rat Daddy of the Month: Ren Gorbley

Ren Gorbley is our first Rat Daddy of the month and boy is he a great Rat Dad. He loves to tell his kids to shut up!

RAT DAD RAT STATS

Age: "I am 37! Over 500 in DOG YEARS!"
Interests: "Eating chili dogs with plenty of mayonnaise, cruising for 18 year old chicks on the internet, shooting cats with BB guns, trying to make my own wine out of apples in my basement!"
Sex: "Yes please! With my daughters friends preferrably!"
Favorite Food: "Yes please!"
Education: "Shut up!"
Favorite Color: "Anything straight! Ya butthead!"
Family: "I have a lot of kids because I fuck all of the time! Whenever my wife goes out of town!"
Best Feature: "My middle finger!" (shows us the middle finger, smiles precociously)
Best Clothes: "Cool clothes!"
Most Embarassing Moment: "When my daughter had her first period."
Best Rat Dad Moment: "One time I woke up in the middle of the night and I was smoking a cigarrette in my sleep! My wife is a bitch!"

My Rat Dad, The Best Rat Dad

Son: Dad, get outta my room I have a test tomorrow.

Rat Dad: I drank all the beer. What is test?

Son: It's stuff for school.

Rat Dad: I hate you. And all those books. I'm gonna barf on those books.

Rat Dads Show Their Teeth!!!!! Metaphorically!!!!!

Son: You are a very scary dad!
Rat Dad: Shut up!!!! Idiot!
Son: You never pay the bills on time!
Rat Dad: I'm going to use your hair as an ashtray!
Son: I need new clothes for school that aren't your old hypercolor t-shirts!
Rat Dad: I'm jealous of you because I can't read books!

BELOW: BONUS DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eating Out, Rat Dad Style!

"The only reason I had kids is so I can have twice the food at restaurants. Check please!"

Rat Dads at Carnivals (Their Natural Habitats)

Rat Dad: Get me another funnel cake!

Son: But dad you just ate mine!

Rat Dad: You weren't eating fast enough. I feel sick, I shouldn't have smoked that dirty cigar I found on the ground.

Son: You always ruin carnivals for me, Dad.

Rat Dad: GO TO HELL, KID!!!!!

Like Rat Dad, Like Rat Son

Son: I love you dad!

Rat Dad: I don't love you son, I'm a rat dad

Son: I understand.

Rat Dad: Smell ya later!!!

Battling Rat Dads

-"My Rat Dad could beat up your Rat Dad."

-"I guess we'll see at our baseball game."

What is a Rat Dad?

Welcome to our wabsite dedicated to the rattiest dads. Every month we will post the Rat Daddy of the Month. We love dads. This is proof.