Rat Dad of the Month "Milo J. G. Sandwich"

MAN OF THE HOUR (MONTH) ((ALL HOURS THIS MONTH)) (((APRIL)))




















Ratty Daddy Stattys

Age: FORGOT
Sex: I'm a dude, shit head!
Interests: Money, farts, genocide, i like to siphon gas from my neighbor Ront, and i have been practicing for years on how to run up walls like in asians movies. I ALMOST got it is what my kids say.
Activities: I am the vice president of the herculaneum truck club. we go to hardees parking lot an d eat the hardees bigburgers and rev our engines at teenage girls. i made a couple money from selling this bumper sticker outta my garage






Education: no thanks
Favorite Food: I have NEVER gone to a dentist and I DON'T PLAN ON IT!!!!
Favorite Color: rust
Wife: she don't know i go to strip clubs because she can barely put her bra on every morning she is so dumb
Children: my son tarry got pubes when he was only 10 and to celebrate i took him to chuck e cheese. my son garfield is fifteen and dont got pubes yet. i am so mad at him
Most Embarassing Moment: to get used to life after Y2K i only wore diapers for the month leading up to it because i thought i would have to get used to fighting and never stopping not even for churnin butt butter
Best Rat Dad Moment: my wife cam out of the shower with her hair wrapped in a towel and i thought she was a terrorist so i threw her out the window

"FOREIGNERS" by Dale Buggaloo

Another short story by guest writer and Rat Dad, Dale Buggaloo

Dale was spitting chewing tobacco out on his feet because his wife was explaining to him what foreigners were. He was really Mad.

Earlier in the day Dale was hosing his yard when a car full of loud sweaty brown people drove by playing music in which men weere saying words that make no sense. Dale knew it was something called a "different language" an he knew it without going to college because he had to work as soon as he graduated or else his parents would perish and become skeletons right before his eyes. he coped with this by having a lot of Street Smarts and just being smart in general.
"Who are these people?" yelled Dale. He dropped to his knees and spit in the air. It landed on his forehead and he yelled again and when the neighborhood kids laughed at him for spitting on himself he threw a rock at their balls and they cried all the way home but didnt tell their parents because they knew better.

Dale thtought they were alieans. Creatures from outered space, surely doing no good out there. If aliens had nothing to hide then they would live on earth. How Did Scientists Not Know This?
He showed up with a rake and hurt them with the rake he showed up with. He spun around in a three sixteen and hit them all because he went in a circle and they were circled around them. He jumped high when they punched and he landed on their arms and then kicked there faces.

"That kick was.... outta this world!" he yelled but the aliens didn't get the joke.
"That kick was..... from outer space!" he yelled they didn't get it still.
"Like neptune!"
They didn't even crack a smile. So he cracked their faces! Jerks! Fuck!
"Please stop fighting my family," one alien said.
"Don't ask me! Ask.... Uranus!" is the hilarious joke Dale said.

Then he pulled the alien and shoved the aliens head into his own butt.
He laughed like a double fat santa claus as the police tasered him into the ground.
"I DON'T BELIEVE THERE IS A PLACE IN THE WORLD THAT ISN'T AMERICA!"

All the cops clapped and let him go. His wife made him shitty meat loaf (i wanted chicken strips) and explained to him what other countries were and Dale laughed because she doesn't know her own ass from her own ass!